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Larger than Life

Ironical but true.

In the rush of life in a city like Mumbai where individual faces sometime becomes a stranger unless you realize it’s yours. Hailing from a quite small city where life is real laid back as if “Chill” word has a vacation house, and here to chill you need to have a credit card. Delhi had its own character; commotion was just in newspapers and for all obvious reasons but life steers in peace. Mumbai on the other hand is like a coarse senior who rags you day in and out but gradually becomes your best comrade. This city fusions in blood like drugs and makes one addicted. Life in rush becomes life in peace.

Places where people are all around and yet one gets the space they need, among a crowd yet so sheltered. This city allows to cry in peace. It’s said Mumbai is nocturnal and gradually I can say this city actually is insomniac, it never sleeps. This city makes one psychotic and then becomes an antidote as well. We curse and cuddle at the same time. The amazing character of this city is that here, life has no cost. Bombs and attacks and yet life does not take even a minute to bounce back to customary, though I have always hated this  said “Mumbai Spirit” but virtually have been a part of it.

Mumbai has taken and also given a lot, from reminiscences to living to numbers which keeps multiplying with days. The reason I pen this because I know I am hooked to this city say whatever but it has oozed in perennially.

mumbaiA city of dreams where hopes never fatalities grip and induces the boldness of never say die. A city where life is hands-on. On one hand there are weary faces and on the other hand charisma has its own fashion. A city larger than life. (Dedicated to the city I LIVE who have taught me to LIVE real)

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Distress of the Anonymous

He had her favorite flowers in his hand, while Sunny stood like a statue in front of her door. There was a turmoil in his head, some atypical spell had got him there, he wasn’t sure of his presence. Sunny reached his trousers’ pocket and took out his hankie, he was perspiring. It was quite an unusual body behavior of his in this month of mid-September in a cool city like Bangalore.
Sunny got a few steps back down from her door and tried to get some grip on himself, his hands were quivering. “What is wrong with me, why am I losing it?” he said to himself. His inner self was scared and growing feebler with every passing minute. He took the stairways and went down the building. It was dusk time and there was not much of crowd. Sunny got himself a bottle of water and sat down near the entrance, he was probing his self. He guzzled the small bottle and realized he was panting, his heart was pounding with an increasing speed as if this was the last lap of 1000 meter race and now it needed to pace up. Sweat dripped from his face but he made sure the flowers were untouched, they lingered. He remembered how these flowers, the orchids made Preeti smile, her innocent face and miraculous sneer infused life in him. Sunny realized he was smiling.
He raised his eyes and looked at Preeti’s apartment; the living room had the lights on, he knew she was there.
“I am not at home tomorrow, my sister has suddenly come down and I need to be with her”, Pretti’s lines a day prior to today keep eating Sunny from within. She had not answered any calls since then and messages were not replied. Only a single message in entire day, “Busy….not @ home” 5 mins before Sunny had arrived in front of her apartment’s door. His heart was now dropping, he knew something was wrong. They had not being in good terms past 1 month and Preeti never said she loves him.
The thought of her being at home with someone has broken him from inside, he was at his acumens end, and he just saw two shadows on the curtain, his eyes dampened.
Sunny closed his eyes and Preeti’s face was right in front, her innocence, her smile. Sunny had met Preeti 6 months back in the city library. They got close and were good friends in no time. Preeti needed him and Sunny had his world in her in 2 months’ time. Everything was there in front of his eyes, like a movie on the wall in front of him, he was gazing the blank. “I should let her go”, he said to himself and got up. His legs were trembling as he took a step ahead onto the road. He stopped after 2 steps, he couldn’t move as if his bases were pivoted with some heavy chain. His heart cried and the crave to see her weaken his just taken decision.
He turned and reached the steps. He started climbing frantically as if he was just possessed by some life-force. In no time he was standing in front of the same door which he wasn’t able to knock few minutes back. He looked at the entrance; the same lock was hanging which he had given her when Preeti moved in that apartment. He took a deep breath and progressed ahead. His hands were too heavy to press the doorbell.
Sunny’s heart pulverized once again, an unknown fear had engulfed him completely. He had just heard a male laugh from inside. Tears rolled and he moved back. With heavy legs he once again climbed down. Still he made sure the flowers were ok. He was in love, rather in love of his life.
He sat in his car and started without looking back. It took him 30 minutes to reach his home. All through the way all the good moments he had cherished, which he spent with Preeti. He was broken. He flung open his flat’s door.
“You idiot where have you been, I have been here waiting past an hour planning this stupid surprise for you”, Preeti’s voice tore apart his ears. He stood awestruck as if he has seen some ghost. Preeti perceived the expression and addressed the orchids. She came close, took the flowers and shook forward; she kissed him on his cheeks. Sunny was all cold.
“I am sorry I fought with you, but I just realized I can’t stay without you…..I love you!!!” Preeti declared. Sunny almost lost conscious. He hugged her tight, said nothing and she understood.
“You know my sister got his husband along and I had to lie to them just because I wasn’t at harmony and wanted to see you and don’t know where were you lost, now come I have got your favorite Chinese noodles. Let’s eat and then drop me back I am late”, Preeti’s words solaced him.
He was still in a shockwave; he smiled and held her…..!!

See I Am Wet Again…

Swaying air, into it dancing you,
“You” with arm stretched, warming with each droplet,
Wish I could kiss those drops, that drips down your shivering body,
Wish I could hold that falling “You”
The “You” like a bird, chirping your way,
“You” like that cool breeze, swaying away,
“You” like that muddy lane, urging to get smothered again,
“You” like that thunder, that strikes in rain.
That’s how…. You strike me again…
Look I am soaked up in this bargain.
Drenched again, when I have thought to keep away from this rain…

See I Am Wet again…..
See I Am Wet Again !!

Sealed

Today again I have come to beg solace from you. Yet again with my face right facing the wall.

Such shame it brings but I have nowhere to go and you know it well. I am ashamed for doing this just for the fact you have always lifted me up. Like a silent mentor you have made me understood what life is?

Today also you will embrace me, ignore my flaws and wipe my eyes for you know how feeble I am within. Been ages I have been so stern in the way I am. Always running, stumbling and running again. The world has always been clear on terms but I kept my believes alive and you know I dint mean any wrong. How could I? Gradually over different phases have realized the importance of a support system, a hand to cling onto when you fall, an eye to see you through you bad times and a heart to love you. And real importance comes when one is deprived of all and so it comes in abundance for all. There is always a small world around every being and the try to keep the world happy has no thoughts involve. It just flows for it doesn’t come for all but the ones who make a special place. But then it’s real world to face and not the reel self-made one. Yet another string detached leaving self yet feebler and shaken with no grounds to step on.

I know you have things to say but what I learn from your silence always gives me the oil to keep burning and not go numb. It isn’t easy, never have been. Yet the smiles mean so much…yes they do. They will always. With again an expectation for the world to realize the value but not a trash can, but may be something is just there for you. Hold self again and walk the same way. (When life just throws lemons at you and you cannot make lemonade outta it- To my pen thanks for writing me down always)

The Endearing

When you walk a passage of no light,
Breath seem heavy, blur goes sight,
When pathos are the pals of ur way
Just a believe keeps the light, it linger, it sway
Aroused from millions of scarce seasons air
A being not unnoticeable, self so fair
Little walks around as aromas of nature
Sublimes from mind to heart, a lil creature
Atrocities of sorrows, architect of sneers
When I touch upon it, away it steer
The world is immense, trifling is she
Impish are the moves, yet unalloyed it be
For smiles have powers to disperse all imbalances
I strive to retain them intact, whatever blurry are the chances
Time shall voice for my verses can fake
When I have built something, how can I let it break?
As we walk we don’t stop at all confluences
Where we gather a memory, we carry along the instances
I stay here quite, walk with your shadow……..
Unnoticed yet not invisible, soaring but with head low
For lifes not so glittery and feelings not always to be shown
With an assurance of being there, whenever you look back…
LIKE A STONE!!!!

Walk

Predictability in life is boon at times, sometimes its just becomes reason of distorted state of mind. There are instances in life when we taste the bitterness of our surroundings just to justify the inner impractical urchin that the world lying before is evil. Everything is in our mind.
We miss on the small factors running after the bigger picture. Lots of things which are true and pure. What I have realized is that we always have a regret, which is self built but then we need reasons to put figures. The reason and the choice lies within.
Future has no shape and hence the charm lies with its unpredictability. It gives one a choice to remove the odds and recognize the good and flow with it, with an aspiration of that “who knows”!!!

Still on a path led with unsure destinations just to ensure all the small little factors are intact and content. With an uncertainty of being valued, which is still just a hope.

Let’s Walk!!!

…..upsurge, not beyond!!

“Seeing is believing”. Going by this line shall I believe what I see?
Sometimes we should but could we? Well not. We live life on our terms but sometime on others terms also. Some factors of life may whatever comes are so adamant that they deny any alterations within. We fight and then at one stage go silent. The picture which the world see seems ego, but its more of being submissive to inner self. We go numb and outside are perceived as dumb. The fight within is more retracted, its like dismantling a toy which we considered as our real world’s, with our own hands.
Lucky are those who get multiple ears to absorb the frustrated vibrations of their larynx without even questioning. What about those voices who find no listening but just a refraction inside. A thin thread of relationship name it whatever is fragile and feels even more worse when you see a beautiful world made built by ourselves loosing ground.
We point fingers at others but, do we ever interrogate our inner self for where we stand today? Yet there are indispensable persons where we cannot, may what has happened!
Life is a funny game of marbles, beautiful colors, mesmerizing glaze, yet we loose them when we play because its what the game is designed to be. Rejoicing the possession and regretting the loss is part and parcel.
We all have a music of relations prevailing potent inside. Some sounds perfect and some has fucked up lyrics all interwoven, knitted into different phases with a charm of its own. Memories to cry for, memories to smile on. Truth is some wants gradually become needs and depriving self of it is perhaps the REHAB….it pains, it kills……(Its u, its me its da world)

Head up, stay strong. Fake a Smile, Move on!! !:)

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

My most awaited big thing…part 1 of my book. Up for reactions…..

Have you ever thought what runs inside the mind of a fool?

We meet people in our daily lifestyle. We know people whom we call fool because they always prove that the word lunatic really has meaning.

Let us first define a fool. A person who speaks silly things or acts something, which an ideal rational person, under normal circumstances will never act like. Agreed.

Therefore, what run inside that person’s mind when he/she does so? Ponder!

I am a normal person but I am bold. I know the one sitting in front of me or the persons surrounding me somewhere are hesitant in putting their point across. May be I should say this and save the discussion from being stretched unduly. So, I finally speak up. Result, laughs or may be a super mocking reaction. People think I am a fool.

Have you ever find yourself in a situation when you really mean that yes I WAS A FOOL. Rare. No one wants to be fool or even consider not even me when I am writing all this and proving to be a fool to you. We all have supernova minds and we want to express ourselves where we think we can make a statement but then there are few big supernovas that declares us fools but in reality no one is a fool its all about the right timing of the words shot for a particular reasoning of a damn situation.

I knew a person. He was my classmate in 11th & 12th standard. The reason I recall him at this point is that I believe I have never seen a bigger fool than him until date. I along with my friend once influenced him to be the captain of our school and the poor guy followed what all we said. Everyday we asked him to be in best of his uniform (he belonged to fairly poor family). In addition, suggested that if his chest will point outside it will make an impression among the juniors and school administrations. Poor guy always stood erect like a soldier with his chest bulging outside & believe me not a single person passing by had an escape from laughter. However, even though did he cared, No.

 

Reason: His mind said may be I am appearing foolish to these people but this is how I like it because I take it as a challenge. I want to make a mark. He was not fool he took that opportunity & in the bargain got known in school. Even few teachers also were with us with whom we had good relations, the drama to encourage the guy continued until the day the school captain was announced and he was not even in the last three. Although he did, all foolish acts remained different but yes, he was a known face in school after then. I still remember his words, “Did you guys enjoyed it, because I enjoyed it”

Therefore, the point is who the fool was. Not I, actually may be the act was foolish and we succeeded in getting all shorts of weird stuff from him that truly satisfied the appetite for our whims. Nevertheless, the point I am trying to make here is what exactly have run inside the person’s mind when he/she does all these acts. Is a grown up person so irrational that he cannot differentiate between the acts where the return he/she gets, is weird looks and laughing faces. The thought is a bit complex. Think, what have you thought before saying something or even performing an act whenever you made a fool out of yourself?

The answer is funny- We never thought we would make a fool out of ourselves but it just happens when the wave of our thoughts surpasses the normal range of the thinking vivacity of the public present. Wrapping up (though I partially agree to it but it’s the best I condensed downed to) – We all have alibis of defending ourselves. Say it in either ways: My point was not accepted or may be my timing was odd. 

Let us make this discussion a bit more absorbing. Who do you think is the most foolish face in the world’s context?

I ran my mind through few great names: Mr. Khushwant Singh, Mr. Laloo Prasad Yadav, Mr. Jaspal Bhatti, Mr. George Bush (naah, he cannot be a fool because his name is the only name that Microsoft Word 2007 does not red underlines to be wrong spelling, funny) or Osama Bin Laden (surprising even his name is recognized by this MS Word, Bush & Bin Laden, cool)

However, they are considered fools. Excuse me for using Bin Laden’s name I just tried to add some humor to this boring discussion. So coming to the point, we laugh watching these known face actually the world makes fun of them. They are the stars of many a jokes and comic act but are they really fools. Therefore, this way I can say fools are better then being a normal person at least the world knows you. Motive behind putting across this is that the society for fun makes fool but if  we look at the actual background reality says these few mentioned names are the levels all wants to achieve. In other words, we desire to become fools but not a common one of course, i.e. to say we can like the world making fun of us but we will never take if someone makes a fool out of us. Interesting isn’t it.

 Let’s now infuse this fool word with adamantness. So is this adamant nature within us some times makes us fool. If I take an example, why to take example, lets take you/me or any one.

How much are we influenced by others when people say your way is wrong!              Not often, may be few of us do but do we really blame ourselves for thinking in a particular way. Do we take in the ideology of others and change our perspective about few things. Perhaps no. Not even if it is the ideology of the great influencers like Osho or Raghuveer Singh, (I hope I will be an influencer some day). People read all kind of stuff, watch programs but do they really start following them at one go.

No way. 

We all have grown up with some sets of believes and thoughts and changing views or rather a thinking on a kind of situation is not that easy. Our inner self is very adamant. Even, I have my own thought and I am proving my self-adamantness by forcing my thinking upon you people but will you even nod once to my thinking.

As if, I Care”, even if you do not.

However, the point is do this adamantness or rigidness of our thinking sometimes makes us represent as fools. On the other hand, is it possible that if we try to bend our rules not breaking them though can adjust to the thinking of other minds?          Quite possible. So somewhere now you must be thinking that a particular situation can be dealt in a way different to what you have tried to. There is no harm to be receptive; reason is it does not cost us any grand. Look at the big companies listed on the stock exchange, they invite public to invest into their shares but do really care for their opinion for functioning of the company…. As if, They Care. So get the investments of other mind to the extent of the fact that they will result in personal gain to you.

Therefore, did we mold few thoughts until now?

 I really hope we did.  

 

Inertia…..

Where was the light? Since long I have been running into this dark tunnel. Stumbling, falling.

Through this journey of time, I have held many a hands, some failing, some high. Today as I sit on my seat of helplessness I find no warmth of the fists. Faces turning away, face turning faces. I stay and wait.

My path has been so uniform since past, those same endings with changed images to part with. Still the walk goes on. May be I see some spark and figure out the way through this dusk of nothingness. For the mighty castle is always hollow within.

May be a smile lit up the dark way, makes the hour sway. I am the midas that turns his gold to metal ironically. Awake here I follow the dark as I say:-

Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again

 

 

 

Relinquish real…..

For a second that thought almost choked me inside. Left me breathless, gasping for thoughts. Something got murdered in, viciously strangled. Almost seemed the equivalent, as if my head was submerged into a bucket of water with a force that din’t allowed me to come out.

The sound of the words still buzz my head. A voice not ignorable. A thousand reasons to get off and walk but still strings are attached. Witnessing reality massacres the peace inside. So much is punched in, I feel like a bottle of beer waiting to get opened so that I can flush out the rush. While the noise of this silence is deadening all decibels. But how can I not be me? I ought to be. Encircled with whims of world to paint myself dark, I chose to walk. But how was stepping back a move on? The course will change and I will soon go off visibility, would that help. Of course to the world that wait with spark in eye to pinch. How? Why? All unanswered.

Struggling to accept the real thing pivots my legs as I try to change my way. Was I not visible enough during dusk, or this morning is just too shiny to blur my existence. Maybe its very shiny, indeed it is.

Less time and them I am off, away from any vision, till then I will have to crawl. This is me un-altered since back. Sighing off smiles with nothing to hold in. For the world is a mystery and life the mistifing game.